So much has happened since the last time I blogged about my feelings.. I guess it's quite clear that in my last post I was so happy to be back on the love lane. But then again, those feelings I felt were merely superficial. I was attempting to do the impossible... LDR.
Life sucked a lot after that happened. I guess it all boils down to my decision of ending everything at any cost. I was hurt, yes. But I had to rise above the pain and put a smile in my face.
July came and I met another somebody. And that somebody gave me the impression that I was better off loved than be left alone. I gave in to my feelings, I blinded myself with the fact that what we had was real.. and that what we shared was something to be held onto.
But when August came, everything was made clear. I wasn't in any relationship to begin with. I was in-love with a somebody who is far more different from who I perceived him to be. I was forced to dive into deep waters.
I told him that I loved him, and he said that he loved me back. He told me that no one else comes close, and he kissed me and assured me of his undying love.
Everything was a LIE.
He lied to me when he confessed to me that his real name wasn't the one that I thought it was. He lied to me when he told me he wouldn't try to go online in some other networking site, but he did. He lied to me when he made me believe that he was busy doing something, when the fact is he's busy entertaining others.
He receives calls from persons he wouldn't tell me who. He texts others but when asked who, he wouldn't tell. He laughs at his messages but when asked to share to me, he would change the subject. He tells me he wants to be with me, only to find out that he's somewhere doing other business.
Karma is indeed a bitch.
I guess, I need to learn my lesson first... and apparently this is the lesson in progress. I haven't told him that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. But I guess, showing him that what he is doing is wrong is way better than telling him.
I am hurt.
But I guess it'll be more liberating to know that I got through this learning something from myself. That I learned to love myself better. And that I made myself stronger and better for the coming years.
I believe that TRUST between and among partners, is important for a relationship to grow. You need not to shower your partner with LIES & DECEPTION just to get away with what you want. Loving someone is exposing yourself to that person, knowing that he/she will accept you and understand you for who and what you are.
THERE IS NO NEED TO LIE.
Maybe that's the reason why Eve ate the apple on the tree of life. Because other people lie... and in return we deny ourselves from the truth.
...honesty is INDEED a lonely word. :(
