BUSY.

Things got weird and depressing since I got back from CEBU.

After the burial of the daughter of my INAY, I needed to get back on track with my job applications. Luckily, opportunity presented itself.

Now, I'm busy dilly-dallying with all the stuff needed for my application, the thing is, HR hasn't txted or called me yet. Which is weird. I've been working my ass out for this opportunity, when all the while, everything still seems vague.

I don't know if I should continue doing all of this crap.

Then again, I'm not losing hope. Not this time.

Guess May was a FUN, WEIRD, SAD and BUSY month at all.

HEY! IT'S FREAKING JUNE! I just lost track of time.

stupid me... and all this time I thought it was still MAY. whateve.

btw, I just found out that a certain NOBODY has been snooping around my facebook account. I guess some people really don't understand the concept of privacy. Oh well. Not my problem anymore.

CHEERS TO JUNE! :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! :)

Due to some conflicts with my schedule, I won't be able to post anything on MAY 11, 2011 -- which happens to be the BIRTHDAY of my blog (akosiharvii.blogspot.com). So, I'm posting this in advance. :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
This blog's a year older now!

I can't believe it, I have managed to seriously keep this blog ALIVE. LOL!
and yes, despite the longevity of my stay in blogspot, I still have 1 follower. LOL!

thank you LOUELA DELOS REYES for keeping up with my blog! Much LOVE! :)

Yeah baby! :)

Bliss.

BLISS
–noun

1. supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment: wedded bliss.

2. Theology . the joy of heaven.

3. heaven; paradise: the road to eternal bliss.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bliss

After all the pain and suffering that I had been through for the past month, I finally got a taste of how it feels like to be HAPPY and a genuine one at that.

Going through all the hard turns and the wrong moves, made me realize that I had missed on a lot of stuff. Stuff that should have made me happy and should have made my life easier. But I guess, every now and then, we all have to learn things the hard way. I think that's how God utilized His power over human beings when He gave us the power of knowledge and conscience. I mean, we all need to get hurt sometimes.

It occurred to me that I do have to think of the positives and weigh out the negatives since life isn't all about pain and misery. It started when a friend of mine told me that he had good news with him, and that it concerned me and my unending hopes of becoming a doctor... and yes, IT WAS INDEED GOOD NEWS.

Being with the company of my closest friends made me realize that I didn't really miss out a lot in my life, after all, they were always there when I needed them. They advised me to fix things with my parents, and now, I'm back to speaking terms with my MOM. and yes, we are CLOSER NOW than before... now that that phase is over. We both can finally breathe.

Apart from all the drama of being hurt emotionally, I believe that I am close to feeling that same feeling I got last year... the feeling of being in love. Though I'm taking baby steps as to how to nurture this feeling, but I'm seeing better and my heart's well now. I'm still having doubts as to how this would work out, but I'm still keeping my head straight and my heart strong, so as to, be able to voyage through everything that is bound to come. Though, we aren't officially together, I'm still cherishing the time that we spend together... time well spent.

I've been broke as hell for the past month, and part of the journey that I took rewarded me with one of the greatest ultimatum in my life... WORK. A visitor from Manila endowed me with an opportunity of a lifetime, and as they say, when an opportunity is being handed on to you, you have to grasp it with both hands. And that is exactly what I am doing as of the moment, I'm taking this chance... and I'm threading a much clearer path.

Life is indeed a roller coaster ride. I may have been in the bottom for the past month, but that didn't stop me from hoping that one day, the sun would rise and I'd be at the top again.

Now that the sun is at it's peak, I'm doing the best I can to savor everything that is being given to me. Not only was I able to make lemonade, I too was able to make iced tea. :)

Now I'm looking at my life at a much more distinct perspective.
keeping my head held high.
relaxing my facial muscles and stretching my lips to form a smile.
xoxo
harvii

Lesson in Life #1

Dear heart-breaker,

I made this one so that you'll realize that what you've done is totally OUTRAGEOUS!

Yes, we might have been together in the past, and yes I might have professed my love for you... but as days went on, and hours ticked away, I realized that the more I got engrossed in this feeling, the more I knew that what we had is simply SICK. Yeah, you read it right, S-I-C-K!

You broke my heart, and shattered it into pieces. You left me standing in the rain, without even caring that I'd be soaked and get sick. You abandoned my heart, pushed me off the edge, and now I'm trapped in this oblivion for which you created on my expense.

I have lost sight of what's real and what's not. Guess you made me blind too. Now that I'm weak, broken-down, hungry, and lost... you accuse me of causing all of these to myself? And that you're the victim in all of these?

BULL-CRAP!

You taught me how not to be angry, now you're giving me reasons to be. I loved you with all my heart, mind and soul... and still you say that I'm SELFISH? Guess I am, after all I love myself too much, being that this be the reason why I emancipate myself from all your knives.

Everybody deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to be treated well. I don't see the point for which you're giving me. Blind love isn't true love. False reassurance should have never been an option. If you were to love me again, I hope you understand this.

Hurting still but now is on the path to recovery,

Heart-broken me.

We were taught to love others, but we're never taught how to recover from almost anything. I guess, we all had to learn it the hard way.

When we lose someone dear, our teachers didn't teach us how to grieve. When our friends desert us, our teachers didn't teach us what to do. When someone we love doesn't love us back, our teachers didn't tell us to question? I'm not blaming our teachers (those in school :]), I'm just saying that we are still the masters of our own ships, and that we should learn to be more cautious as to where we drop our anchors or to where we should set sail.

Taking precaution is often mistaken as "keeping our guards up" but these two are totally different stuff. People who are cautious are probably the most courageous persons I have ever met. They know how to deal situations, know how and when to act when the situation calls for. While people I know who "keep their guards up" are those who are insecure (questions oneself) and are more likely to be paranoid. Still, there's nothing wrong in keeping those invisible walls up, just make sure that people would still be able to see you and reach out to you when you're in your most darkest hours.

All in all, I believe that life is a choice between what to learn and what NOT to learn. We are constantly presented with choices and decisions, and it is up to us to understand and weigh things in accordance to our understanding and intuition. Life is a choice, so choose wisely.

And if what we choose doesn't go well with what we initially thought it would, then accept your fault, learn from it, and move on. :)

monetary dilemma.

Ever since I got back to Davao, I have been lurking inside my room.. thinking a lot. Now, it came to a point where I realized that I seriously needed to find myself some means for monetary advancement. Since, as I may have to state the obvious, I am JOBLESS.

I've been searching the internet for available jobs in my current location. But, to my dismay, there isn't one job that would give me professional growth nor personal growth. Now this is sick.

Graduating and earning my license as a nurse, may have been a glorious ride for me. But apparently, times are wasted and my luster is starting to rust. I have got to get my ass out there.

Still, I did apply to some institutions in the hopes that I could be hired as a staff nurse. And yes, I am hoping that after the Holy Week, they would be picking up their company's phone and call me.

I am broke as hell.

I'm thinking of getting a job online, but I guess Facebook never fails to keep me extra-ordinarily busy... CRAP.

Why can't work find it's way towards me. I mean, isn't my path ultra clear? hahahaha...

I am so broke.

NEED TO FIND A JOB.

ASAP.

get it right. :(

Get It Right lyrics

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

What I realized during my darkest hours. :)

I recently found this picture of my nephew in my brother's laptop... and kinda reminds me of how I used to be as a kid...

Now, I know I've been down in the dumps for the past few days--because of what happened to my supposedly realized dream of becoming a doctor-- but then I realized, how stupid I was to fall into the pits of DESPAIR. Literally.

I did cry a lot... nah. I cried for DAYS! Ha! I tried consoling with icecream but that didn't really help... but then, just as I was about to think that ALL HOPE WAS LOST... I found this.

Yes yes, it's just a picture of a child picking out stuff from the floor (and probably eat some of it) but it made me feel something... something different. It made me realize that "GOD! I HAVEN'T GROWN UP AT ALL!!"

Yes, i did mature... physically and in some aspects, intellectually.. but holistically?? I don't think so... see, I used to be the free spirited, not-capable-of-staying-perfectly-still-in-a-chair, almost ADHD type of person... but now, I guess I'm not anymore. Yeah, that should have been the case, considering I am a degree holder, and a licensed one at that, but come to think of it, there still is some good in bringing out the child in ourselves...

I used to recall when I was young, I couldn't wait till I was big and mature to do all those stuff that my mom, dad and my elder brother did.. but when I was realizing what I wanted to do then, I realized how I wanted to be younger again and NOT do all these things that they did...

I realized that there is some truth in the words When life gives you lemons, you make a lemonade and I believe that with this truth and these realizations, I'd be able to emancipate myself from all these miseries...

Acting out as a mature man and profiling oneself as one, may put you on the status quo, but nonetheless, NEVER forget that you were once a child and that you did have dreams of your own..

Now that I am presented with this reality, why not make the most out of it? And like a child, why not dream BIG again? Who knows, it may turn out for the better, if not for the best. :)

All this time I thought I could never dream and hope again... but God indeed has His ways, and now I know which path I am heading... Hey I'm still 23, and yes I'm still young... I won't die any minute from now... And I don't believe that 2012 is the end of the world.. so there is still time for me to be a doctor... yes there's still time to make dreams into reality.

Now I have to live up to my reality, and make my dreams come true. :)

smiling now.

with eager heart.

dreaming big.

harvii. :)