2012.

Have a great year guys!!! 2012 here we come! :)

Inspiration.

“It is difficult to inspire others to accomplish what you haven't been willing to try”

I was peering thorough my window and got inspired by the color of the sky. Hence my new blog design. I never really thought about it much, but I guess my Photoshop skills are still functioning pretty well.

I guess, all I needed was an inspiration.

Now I know, a daily dose of such should be enough for me to survive this generation.

Off to find another.

So, what inspires you?

:)

Opportunity.

Look beyond the obvious: "how many rainbows can you see?"

There were a lot of things that troubled me for the past month. Although I thought that my life was meant to be this way, I saw a window of opportunity and this ultimately changed the way I pictured my life to be.

There are instances that we ask ourselves why? and there are situations that come which makes us think really deep. Well, I figured that these instances are merely God's way of intervening. He, like any other teachers, gives us tests and checks, noting every mistake and highlighting every correct answer. He teaches us things, things that we ourselves cannot comprehend until practice.

For instance, if you pray for Patience, God wouldn't just give you Patience. What He does is, He tests you, gives you a situation where your Patience is tested. This way not only do you learn, you understand as well.

Same goes to what happened to me these past few weeks/month. I have been praying to God to give me direction and guidance. Now what He has done is He has pointed me to the right direction, but he enticed me with a lot of temptations and distractions... which I think I have dealt with. Now, I feel that I am taking on the right path. I feel that not only do I see life clearly, but I feel things differently.

It pays to pray. So, learn to pray.

And when you're done, open your eyes to the possibilities, to the opportunities.

This way, therefore, you see things differently... you see them positively.

"when it's dark, look for the stars."

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! :)

Due to some conflicts with my schedule, I won't be able to post anything on MAY 11, 2011 -- which happens to be the BIRTHDAY of my blog (akosiharvii.blogspot.com). So, I'm posting this in advance. :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
This blog's a year older now!

I can't believe it, I have managed to seriously keep this blog ALIVE. LOL!
and yes, despite the longevity of my stay in blogspot, I still have 1 follower. LOL!

thank you LOUELA DELOS REYES for keeping up with my blog! Much LOVE! :)

Yeah baby! :)

Bliss.

BLISS
–noun

1. supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment: wedded bliss.

2. Theology . the joy of heaven.

3. heaven; paradise: the road to eternal bliss.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/bliss

After all the pain and suffering that I had been through for the past month, I finally got a taste of how it feels like to be HAPPY and a genuine one at that.

Going through all the hard turns and the wrong moves, made me realize that I had missed on a lot of stuff. Stuff that should have made me happy and should have made my life easier. But I guess, every now and then, we all have to learn things the hard way. I think that's how God utilized His power over human beings when He gave us the power of knowledge and conscience. I mean, we all need to get hurt sometimes.

It occurred to me that I do have to think of the positives and weigh out the negatives since life isn't all about pain and misery. It started when a friend of mine told me that he had good news with him, and that it concerned me and my unending hopes of becoming a doctor... and yes, IT WAS INDEED GOOD NEWS.

Being with the company of my closest friends made me realize that I didn't really miss out a lot in my life, after all, they were always there when I needed them. They advised me to fix things with my parents, and now, I'm back to speaking terms with my MOM. and yes, we are CLOSER NOW than before... now that that phase is over. We both can finally breathe.

Apart from all the drama of being hurt emotionally, I believe that I am close to feeling that same feeling I got last year... the feeling of being in love. Though I'm taking baby steps as to how to nurture this feeling, but I'm seeing better and my heart's well now. I'm still having doubts as to how this would work out, but I'm still keeping my head straight and my heart strong, so as to, be able to voyage through everything that is bound to come. Though, we aren't officially together, I'm still cherishing the time that we spend together... time well spent.

I've been broke as hell for the past month, and part of the journey that I took rewarded me with one of the greatest ultimatum in my life... WORK. A visitor from Manila endowed me with an opportunity of a lifetime, and as they say, when an opportunity is being handed on to you, you have to grasp it with both hands. And that is exactly what I am doing as of the moment, I'm taking this chance... and I'm threading a much clearer path.

Life is indeed a roller coaster ride. I may have been in the bottom for the past month, but that didn't stop me from hoping that one day, the sun would rise and I'd be at the top again.

Now that the sun is at it's peak, I'm doing the best I can to savor everything that is being given to me. Not only was I able to make lemonade, I too was able to make iced tea. :)

Now I'm looking at my life at a much more distinct perspective.
keeping my head held high.
relaxing my facial muscles and stretching my lips to form a smile.
xoxo
harvii

Lesson in Life #1

Dear heart-breaker,

I made this one so that you'll realize that what you've done is totally OUTRAGEOUS!

Yes, we might have been together in the past, and yes I might have professed my love for you... but as days went on, and hours ticked away, I realized that the more I got engrossed in this feeling, the more I knew that what we had is simply SICK. Yeah, you read it right, S-I-C-K!

You broke my heart, and shattered it into pieces. You left me standing in the rain, without even caring that I'd be soaked and get sick. You abandoned my heart, pushed me off the edge, and now I'm trapped in this oblivion for which you created on my expense.

I have lost sight of what's real and what's not. Guess you made me blind too. Now that I'm weak, broken-down, hungry, and lost... you accuse me of causing all of these to myself? And that you're the victim in all of these?

BULL-CRAP!

You taught me how not to be angry, now you're giving me reasons to be. I loved you with all my heart, mind and soul... and still you say that I'm SELFISH? Guess I am, after all I love myself too much, being that this be the reason why I emancipate myself from all your knives.

Everybody deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to be treated well. I don't see the point for which you're giving me. Blind love isn't true love. False reassurance should have never been an option. If you were to love me again, I hope you understand this.

Hurting still but now is on the path to recovery,

Heart-broken me.

We were taught to love others, but we're never taught how to recover from almost anything. I guess, we all had to learn it the hard way.

When we lose someone dear, our teachers didn't teach us how to grieve. When our friends desert us, our teachers didn't teach us what to do. When someone we love doesn't love us back, our teachers didn't tell us to question? I'm not blaming our teachers (those in school :]), I'm just saying that we are still the masters of our own ships, and that we should learn to be more cautious as to where we drop our anchors or to where we should set sail.

Taking precaution is often mistaken as "keeping our guards up" but these two are totally different stuff. People who are cautious are probably the most courageous persons I have ever met. They know how to deal situations, know how and when to act when the situation calls for. While people I know who "keep their guards up" are those who are insecure (questions oneself) and are more likely to be paranoid. Still, there's nothing wrong in keeping those invisible walls up, just make sure that people would still be able to see you and reach out to you when you're in your most darkest hours.

All in all, I believe that life is a choice between what to learn and what NOT to learn. We are constantly presented with choices and decisions, and it is up to us to understand and weigh things in accordance to our understanding and intuition. Life is a choice, so choose wisely.

And if what we choose doesn't go well with what we initially thought it would, then accept your fault, learn from it, and move on. :)

What I realized during my darkest hours. :)

I recently found this picture of my nephew in my brother's laptop... and kinda reminds me of how I used to be as a kid...

Now, I know I've been down in the dumps for the past few days--because of what happened to my supposedly realized dream of becoming a doctor-- but then I realized, how stupid I was to fall into the pits of DESPAIR. Literally.

I did cry a lot... nah. I cried for DAYS! Ha! I tried consoling with icecream but that didn't really help... but then, just as I was about to think that ALL HOPE WAS LOST... I found this.

Yes yes, it's just a picture of a child picking out stuff from the floor (and probably eat some of it) but it made me feel something... something different. It made me realize that "GOD! I HAVEN'T GROWN UP AT ALL!!"

Yes, i did mature... physically and in some aspects, intellectually.. but holistically?? I don't think so... see, I used to be the free spirited, not-capable-of-staying-perfectly-still-in-a-chair, almost ADHD type of person... but now, I guess I'm not anymore. Yeah, that should have been the case, considering I am a degree holder, and a licensed one at that, but come to think of it, there still is some good in bringing out the child in ourselves...

I used to recall when I was young, I couldn't wait till I was big and mature to do all those stuff that my mom, dad and my elder brother did.. but when I was realizing what I wanted to do then, I realized how I wanted to be younger again and NOT do all these things that they did...

I realized that there is some truth in the words When life gives you lemons, you make a lemonade and I believe that with this truth and these realizations, I'd be able to emancipate myself from all these miseries...

Acting out as a mature man and profiling oneself as one, may put you on the status quo, but nonetheless, NEVER forget that you were once a child and that you did have dreams of your own..

Now that I am presented with this reality, why not make the most out of it? And like a child, why not dream BIG again? Who knows, it may turn out for the better, if not for the best. :)

All this time I thought I could never dream and hope again... but God indeed has His ways, and now I know which path I am heading... Hey I'm still 23, and yes I'm still young... I won't die any minute from now... And I don't believe that 2012 is the end of the world.. so there is still time for me to be a doctor... yes there's still time to make dreams into reality.

Now I have to live up to my reality, and make my dreams come true. :)

smiling now.

with eager heart.

dreaming big.

harvii. :)

The Script: Breakeven

I can relate to this song very well these past few days... if only...

Lyrics | The Script lyrics - Breakeven lyrics

Nostalgia

Much has been said and done since the past month that I have been staying here in Manila. I’ve come to love the place, the people, and most especially the food. Staying here has indeed changed me… A LOT! And I admit, I kind of like the change that it’s doing to me.

Last Halloween, I got spend time with my friends Jad and Jennifer, and they brought me to Jennifer’s aunt in Lucena City. It was there that I got to know the family and relatives of Jen, meeting them, talking to them, and even sharing a drink with them. I got to know my friends to a deeper level and now I am ultimately grateful for the experience they have shared with me.

Spending some alone time in the apartment has got me thinking a lot. I came to a realization that for the past month or so, I’ve completely spent most of it to pure unproductiveness. Come to think of it, I came to Manila in search of greater and greener pastures, but look what I’m doing? Busy doing nothing…

As I pondered through the creeks and cracks of my dusty apartment here in Kalentong, I felt the strange pressure that everything has been putting on me since the day I left Davao. Now that I’m here, I’m simply lost in the haze. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of purpose and my sense of responsibility, to the point that I feel like all I’ve been doing is slacking myself with nothing but food and fun.

Well life is all about fun… but wouldn’t I be better if I mixed fun with productivity?
I think I’m just too scared to jump off the ridge, as what most people do here in Manila. Maybe I’m just scared to not know where to jump and where to land. Or maybe, I’m just scared to take the ultimate risk of moving on and finding reasons to keep myself busy, knowing that should I engage my wing to such, I’d be losing time spent to my boo…

Maybe that’s just the problem with me… I tend to give all my time, even my life to one person, to the point that I risk my all for his sake. But isn’t that the right way to love? To be able to surrender yourself to the being that you want yourself and see yourself with your partner? To be always there when you’re needed by him?

Last night I talked with my best friend desiree, telling her how much I’ve been distracted and depressed by how a certain friend of mine has been acting behind my back. Apparently, he’s been spending much more time with my ex; which made me wonder as to whether or not he really is my best friend, or is he just a mere friend who typically stabs his other friends at their backs? Maybe they’re together? Or maybe they’re in love with each other? I don’t know… but if they are, I wish them both the best.

Today is Sunday, and I’m planning to get my hair cut. I’m just hoping that after I go to church and spend time with God, I’d be able to know my purpose of staying here. Maybe then, will I be able to finally take that leap of faith I so wanted to take. Who knows, by next week I’d be able to have a job, and finally be productive.

But then again... I got messed up with playing some stupid computer game.
boohooo.. poor me. :(

Yeah, who knows…

Nostalgic,
Xoxo
harvii