Friends.

All I could say is that, I guess I was blessed with friends who, at the most, were there during my darkest hours.

Friends are person/s who uplift you so that you can do most on this idiosyncratic world.

Friends are TRUE persons, who at the most, bully you but isn't capable of scarring you.

Friends spank you and tell you everything you need to know, knowing that they are doing these because they care and find you important.

Friends NEVER LIE and if they do, they do it for your own sake.

Friends are special because they too make you feel special.

Platonic love isn't really at all bad. It's just a matter of being with each other and making fun of almost anything.

FRIENDS CHEER YOU UP when your DOWN.

even your lover is your friend. now that's a fact.

So learn to live your life and stop spreading sh*t.
Freedom is relevant, i know. BUT so is my opinion.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. :)
oh by the way, in case (just in case) you didn't get what I'm blabbering here, What I'm saying is that I HAVE friends who tell me stuff. Stuff that I'm supposedly not hearing (but they thought of otherwise... yeah, because they ARE my FRIENDS) but is hearing and knowing anyways. They tell me everything, every detail, every word. So, that's how I've been getting information HONEY. and yes, I'm not spying on you. (now this is funny. :)) )

get a life.

speaking my heart out.

Much CRAP has been going around facebook, and maybe making things clear here would help.

1. I AM NOT SPYING YOU. how dare you say that. and who are you to spy on? Getting garbage mouth on your post is just wrong. STOP CURSING.

2. BOY FRIEND and BOYFRIEND. all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAH!!! you both are hilarious.. I'm in no position to stand in the way of both of you.. you two can spend the rest of your lives together.. and the hell will I care?! I have no issue with you being close, as a matter of fact, I am happy that the two of you are close. hope you spend more time with him and even with my other friends. :)

3. MONSTER HOUSE OR NO MONSTER HOUSE. Calling my house stuff like that is wroonngg. it's just wrooonnggg. how dare you call my house like that, when it welcomed you without prejudice? So much for being hospitable, I suppose.. THANKS A LOT!

4. BLOCKED. Yes, I blocked you from my friends list because you deleted me from you friends list.. ahahhaha.. childish. but I think its better this way. (come to think of it, how will I spy on you, when I blocked you out?? think of it? ahahahahah..)

5. INSECURE. Call me insecure all you want. THE HELL I CARE?! You have issues, and you should settle them first. So much for treating you as my "best friend", going around and backbiting me. HA! true colors. and by the way, I'm NOT your friend anymore. some TRUE friend you are... I'm better off with friends who would tell stuff to my face, and not on my back. thank you.

6. BITTER. I'm not, and even if you don't believe me(of course you wouldn't believe me.. ikr?) IM NOT! so much for bitterness issues. they're just useless pieces of crap. I'd be better off happy and spending quality time with others.

7. MOVING ON. You keep on blabbering about how you're so hurt and all the blah-blah-blah, why can't you just MOVE ON?! you have a life to live, you have friends, you have your family... so what's stopping you? MOVE ON, and start TODAY.

8. IRONIC. You say to your posts on blogspot that you love me so much and that you're too hurt to wake up everyday, well if that's the case, when then are you filling your facebook with gritty nonsense? even to the point of cursing me? isn't that too ironic? understand yourself, maybe then you'll know how to express yourself better.

9. UGLY, ALIAS BOY-NEGRO. AHHAHAHAAHAHAHA!! calling me stuff eh?! oh well, your friends are free to speak their minds... the hell I care. Keep in mind, that not one of my friends spoke-ill of you. So you better tell your friends to NOT MESS WITH THEM. Just call me stuff. I wouldn't care.

10. LIVE. Too much bad-blood has been running through your veins... try to wash them out. Alcohol wouldn't help you, nor is smoking and drugs. But be with the company of those you love. Be happy. if you're not, then try to be.

11. PRAY. Prayers can be helpful too. Tell your "boy friend" that HE should pray too.

12. LOVE AGAIN. As much pain may have been brought to the table last September, It wouldn't be wrong if you should try to love again... Let yourself be loved.. and let it be known.

13. HEAL. I am healing myself. PUSHING MY SELF. Getting myself involved with someone. Learning from my mistakes. And getting my feet back up. heyy, if I can do it, why can't you? We all need to heal...

keeping my mouth shut from all of these is just craaazzyy! but then again, it's therapeutic.

recuperating.
boo i miss you.
xoxo
harvii

Nostalgia

Much has been said and done since the past month that I have been staying here in Manila. I’ve come to love the place, the people, and most especially the food. Staying here has indeed changed me… A LOT! And I admit, I kind of like the change that it’s doing to me.

Last Halloween, I got spend time with my friends Jad and Jennifer, and they brought me to Jennifer’s aunt in Lucena City. It was there that I got to know the family and relatives of Jen, meeting them, talking to them, and even sharing a drink with them. I got to know my friends to a deeper level and now I am ultimately grateful for the experience they have shared with me.

Spending some alone time in the apartment has got me thinking a lot. I came to a realization that for the past month or so, I’ve completely spent most of it to pure unproductiveness. Come to think of it, I came to Manila in search of greater and greener pastures, but look what I’m doing? Busy doing nothing…

As I pondered through the creeks and cracks of my dusty apartment here in Kalentong, I felt the strange pressure that everything has been putting on me since the day I left Davao. Now that I’m here, I’m simply lost in the haze. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of purpose and my sense of responsibility, to the point that I feel like all I’ve been doing is slacking myself with nothing but food and fun.

Well life is all about fun… but wouldn’t I be better if I mixed fun with productivity?
I think I’m just too scared to jump off the ridge, as what most people do here in Manila. Maybe I’m just scared to not know where to jump and where to land. Or maybe, I’m just scared to take the ultimate risk of moving on and finding reasons to keep myself busy, knowing that should I engage my wing to such, I’d be losing time spent to my boo…

Maybe that’s just the problem with me… I tend to give all my time, even my life to one person, to the point that I risk my all for his sake. But isn’t that the right way to love? To be able to surrender yourself to the being that you want yourself and see yourself with your partner? To be always there when you’re needed by him?

Last night I talked with my best friend desiree, telling her how much I’ve been distracted and depressed by how a certain friend of mine has been acting behind my back. Apparently, he’s been spending much more time with my ex; which made me wonder as to whether or not he really is my best friend, or is he just a mere friend who typically stabs his other friends at their backs? Maybe they’re together? Or maybe they’re in love with each other? I don’t know… but if they are, I wish them both the best.

Today is Sunday, and I’m planning to get my hair cut. I’m just hoping that after I go to church and spend time with God, I’d be able to know my purpose of staying here. Maybe then, will I be able to finally take that leap of faith I so wanted to take. Who knows, by next week I’d be able to have a job, and finally be productive.

But then again... I got messed up with playing some stupid computer game.
boohooo.. poor me. :(

Yeah, who knows…

Nostalgic,
Xoxo
harvii

THE EMANCIPATION OF MARK. :)

Loving you, as you said was a breeze

But nonetheless you found loving him a typhoon

Leaving and hurting him may have been an ease

But, escaping from your grasp was indeed a boon.

You enclave him with words beyond compare

Now you succumb to the reality

He’s no longer there.

Still, you begged for mercy and now you find

Seeing through tinted glass, through the clearings of everything

It was indeed one of a kind.

Loving and getting hurt, piece of crap!

No one wants to be alone in this life

But if one falls out of place, out of love, you might need to stop

Enough with the bullshit, enough with the strife

Your fancy words, soothing as they may have been before
Now that you’re leaving him, you brand him… whore?
Where’s your promise of loving him with all your heart?
Cause apparently you’re leaving him with nothing but broken apart.

You dared to call him, sweet as honey
The last time I checked, you bluffed that you needed more money
Should he had not cared enough for you he opted to bring you some
Instead, you leave his things outside, and says “I’m done!”

You boast of knowledge, you boast of greatness
So what’s the deal with that?
Has being more knowledgeable and flamboyant been the gauge?
As far as I can see, I can love him beyond everything,
Beyond your range

Emancipating mark was nothing but beneficial to him and to you,
See, you have your baby… and now I have my boo. J
I’m not stealing nor am I wrecking anything great
Because, as far as I can see… you’re not his everything,
You’re not carrying his weight.

So hush up, and get a life.
Grow up, eat pray and love.
Know that for once you had mark in your grasp

Now that he’s free, stop bugging him you wasp.
Let him love free and let him choose,
Who are you anyway to string him? LET HIM LOOSE!
He has saved himself and now needs to know love
Let him open his heart, and be free like a dove.

Because at the end of the day, you’ll see
True friends will be there to keep you company
Who needs someone like you when there’s more,
Who’ll be beside mark to hug him tight and hear him snore.

OCTOBER ADVENTURE.

Been staying in manila for a week now... things are happening so fast.

Who knew manila time would be WAYY different from davao time.

GOD help me.

Sometimes I would think that 24 hours in a day isn't enough to accomplish things.. sobrang kulang pa talaga.

dami kong dapat gawin, maraming dapat simulan at tapusin...

I need this. I know I need this.

and I'm not forcing anything this time.

Manila is indeed a surprise (apart from all the hustle and bustle of the busy roads and bridges, and from all the new things that come and go) part of which are things that I knew would eventually happen, but majority of it, I didn't knew was possible.

Living with friends whom you've known for years is indeed a blast.

Catching up on stuff, talking nonsense, doing anything under the sun.

But I do miss home.

I miss my mom, my dad, my brothers, my dogs and my room.

October is indeed the pedestal of my life. This is where I will make a stand, a statement, my legacy.

Whatever happens here will forever be my grandstand.

And for sure, I will never come home unless I've had the most of my stay here... and I mean it.

living life.

taking in chances.

xoxo

harvii

SEPTEMBER: the end for most of it.

SEPTEMBER oh SEPTEMBER; you are the worst month of my year. :(

Soo much has happened to me this month. So much, that apparently, I haven't been able to put up a couple of posts here. Well, not making any excuse or what, but i've been considerably busying myself with a lot of things after the break up. YES. Break up. Who would have thought that this month would signal the end of a year or so of romance and love-affairs? who knew? not me.

September was a roller coaster ride for me. Apart from all the drama, I have been keeping myself busy and busting every nook and cranny of my life just to earn a living. Come on, my Pilates Job isn't paying me well/ not enough so to speak. I have to find other opportunities to make living in this materialistic world, easy. Life is not at all sweet, but you have to somehow find a way to live it through.

There really isn't much of the roller coaster ride that I had this month, some of the UPs were flabbergasting but most of the DOWNs are downright flamboyant.

Come to think of it, I wasn't able to achieve HOMEOSTASIS this month. Sad to say, I myself can't figure out why. Maybe it's because I did something that was wayyy out of hand? Or was it because, I finally found something/someone that I know would eventually turn my world around? I don't know. I don't know.

BREAKING UP. yes it was tough. I cried... A LOT.
but I knew I had to endure the pain, after all, it was my choice and I had to prove to myself that I will be able to live through this choice that I did.

We've been having fights for quite sometime now, some of which, I was able to document here. But having too much of it made my bubbles burst. I have kept my intuitions to myself (although, I admit I too have been a blabber mouth at times) and I know when to start and when to stop. This time, all came too suddenly. TOO FAST, that I had to RUN AWAY. I knew it would end up like this, having both of us to experience excruciating pain, but what shook my decision was the mere fact that I have had too much of this PAIN, and the only thing that I could do to save myself was to RUN AWAY.

yes yes. I know it's wrong to RUN AWAY from your problems, but in my opinion, what I did was for the best. I didn't want to hurt him, nor did I want myself to be hurt by him ever again. I kept on saying "tama na!" because I honestly was under so much pain. I didn't eat for a day, just to keep my mind sound (ironic?) but I knew it was best to let my body feel the pain, so that when time comes, I'd know how every single heartbeat of pain would feel.

MOVING ON.
I knew what I did, so therefore, I knew what I had to do.
I needed an escape route out of all of these. It didn't bother me at all, finding out that my ex-boyfriend was capable of talking things behind my back. PAINFUL yes, but come to think of it, it would be better if I stay true to my decisions rather than stooping down to his level and telling him that he'd better stop. I feel sorry for him.

Being away for sometime, took some of the load off my chest. I found myself staring at the mirror and saying "OH GOD! I LOOK SO HORRIBLE". I've lost the will to take care of myself for quite sometime, and now that all is said and done, I'll be bringing back the care that I gave myself.

Still, part of moving on is meeting other people, and in my case, I finally found myself together with another. yeah yeah, I KNOW it's too early to date, but what can I say, I have to let myself be HAPPY again. After all, that's the least I could reward myself after all the crying and the sleepless nights.

"I feel no sympathy, you live inside a cave.
You barely get by, the rest of us are trying.
So there's no need to apologize,
Got no time for feeling sorry."

I had to do something just to bring here. In this state of mind. Now if you still think that what I did wasn't the best thing to do, then I'd leave that to you. So whoever you are, wherever you may be. THANK YOU for teaching me how it feels to FEEL pain, and for letting me know how to love myself again.

i miss you ba BOO! :)

so tired.
loving my life now.
xoxo
harvii

AUGUST: all WORK and no FUN.

I can't believe it! August is almost over, and I'm not minding it one bit.

I've been really REALLY busy with training and work. So busy, that all the sleep deprivation is making me nuts. I have been awake for the most of this month. Bodily changes are occurring and I'm not liking it one bit. (I have EYEBAGS!)

There are times that I feel soo stressed out that I just would want to sit down and sleep... but that isn't always the case.

Having to train for no pay and to work with SEVERELY low wage is a PAIN IN THE *SS!

Sooner or later, I think I'll be quitting everything and will go find me some decent job.. one that pays well for the labor that I am rendering.

September is just around the corner. I just hope everything will work out for the best.


stressed out.
gosh.
xoxo
harvii