disappointment. :(

Some bad things have been going on and on in my house, the moment I got back from Manila. My mom, clearly, wasn't at all happy having me comeback to stay with them... which I honestly don't understand, when clearly she wanted me to come back home to Davao when I was still in Manila. Now I'm really confused.

The primary reason why I went home to Davao, was that my dad told me that I'd be entering Medschool by June... which by most of my friends know, is one of my ultimate dream. And as soon as, my dad told me that he'd be giving me the honor of having that dream turn into reality, I instantly grabbed the opportunity without any hesitation. WHICH is also, the primary reason why I'm jobless.

Now that I knew that I'd be going to Medschool, I told my dad that it'll be necessary for me to take the NMAT (National Medical Admissions Test)-- more like the entrance exams for future doctors-- and that since I'd be entering school year 2011, I should take the NMAT asap. Now, I told him that CEM (Center for Educational Measurement) will be conducting the exams for April in MANILA only (since exams for the different regions were done on December) and that he has nothing to worry about board and lodging since a friend of mine is more than willing to have me stay in their house for the days inclusive of the said exam. And yes, he understood everything.

The thing is, my mom started to blabber out HARSH words, attacking me with DEGRADING statements, telling me how I was a disappointment to her and to my dad, and that I wasn't at all capable of "bringing home the bacon" and that my stay in Manila was all for nothing. We even went to a point wherein the argument was so intense she scratched/punched/slapped me for many many times... It was painful, both physically and emotionally.

I cried a lot.

But then again, I was constantly told by my dear friend that everything will turnout fine, and that all will eventually change once I enter medschool. So kept my spirit high. I kept my head held high, clenching the hope that I'd somehow someday, when I'll be the best doctor in the country, that I will have them eat their words and prove them wrong.

but I guess that won't happen.

Apparently now that my exams are nearing, my mom told me that I won't be taking the NMAT anymore and that my dad won't be sending me to Manila. I felt like my dreams went down the drain... Now that all of these were being said, I feel as if, I was never to have my dreams realized. I feel so disappointed with the fact that, I did have that hope in my hands, and they just made me throw it all in the bin.

I haven't really talked to my dad about this. But I guess I know what his answer will be...

I feel so sick and tired of having everything flushed down the drain.

I don't know if I'd be able to hope again.

Now that I know that hoping for something, will only bring disappointment and hardcore sadness.

Apparently my SOMEDAY isn't TODAY... and guess will never be TOMORROW.

goodbye dreams. :(